It's been awhile since I've posted any updates to my Blog, mostly because of a lack of time due to a job change but also due to having nothing to report. This fall however is different-I have something that I feel I need to share.
I’ve spoken for years about my love for Saskatchewan, I count the days to my next year’s hunt often times prior to my depart for this year’s hunt-I'm excitable, what can I say. This year however taught me yet another hard life lesson, if only I could master learning the lessons looking forward instead of in the rear view mirror, and as the story goes.
I started a new job 3 years ago and since that time I've put my heart and soul into the job. As accomplishments grew, so did my ego. Although not coupled in the same category my 2016 Saskatchewan hunt did intertwine with the culmination of a long and hard three years of utter exhaustion. I didn't see it coming-but it came.
As last year progressed and I planned my trip up north, I worked, as I often do with everything, to perfect my trip to the standard that I deserved, due of course to my three years of grindstone efforts. As is normal I book at the hotel that the outfitter suggests, I'm standing at the door to be picked up by his staff and the only expectation that I have is that it will be very cold and maybe just maybe the big one will step out during shooting hours, as we all do.
This year was different for me; driven by three years of driving myself in the ground I came to the conclusion that I somehow "deserved" something better on this trip. So, I booked a First Class Flight, stayed at the brand new Courtyard by Marriott for which I'm a Marriott Rewards Member, rented a large SUV and booked with the premiere outfitter in Saskatchewan-nothing but the best in 2016!
Somewhere in that period of time my expectations were elevated, I somehow came to believe that I was owed something. This is where it all began to go wrong-and I didn't even see it coming.
I arrived in Minneapolis and as always it seemed that the airport was filled with hunters full of great anticipation, the conversations began; I came to know some really good people and was able for just a little while live vicariously through their excitement. You see at this point the trip had been nothing but labor for me, I was worn from work and a little unmotivated to trek through the steps from departure to arrival-I just wanted to get to the blind and feel that excitement of knowing that I had once again arrived to a place that is all but sacred to me.
As the trip progressed I met a gentleman who told me that this was his first trip to Saskatchewan, I was instantly enamored with his excitement. At 72 years young he was like a kid at a major league ballpark-wide eyed and almost shaking with anticipation. His success became my only goal, I couldn't wait to see his eyes and hear his story of "the one".
I tell you that story, and I'll get back to it, to tell you this story--
I am well versed in hunting Saskatchewan, anyone who’s been there more than twice is. There's no real secret to it, have the right gear/clothing, get the right outfitter and show up. Unfortunately I got lost in the moment and allowed my expectations not only for my 72 year young friend but also for me to get really high. I've stated in prior writings that the Big Book of AA states: Our expectations are directly proportional to our serenity-the higher our expectations, the lower our serenity. And so it was with me, the hard work of three years, my past experiences in Saskatchewan, my overwhelming desire for a couple of first timers to hit pay dirt and without even seeing it coming my ego over ran my humility.
Although I'll stand behind my concerns with the trip I will openly state that some little things were no doubt bigger in my eyes at the time then they really were. As those little things became big things my expectations were crushed - and I reacted like a child.
As I look back on the trip, with a little more humility than I had at the time, there are some things that I would have liked to be different however overall it was a pretty darn good trip. I'm happy that I took the trip the way that I did and I happy with the result, especially considering the hunting conditions-it was tough for everyone up north in 2016. The things that I now see and wish I could change are all driven by my ego and selfishness. The troubles that I had on this trip; all surround "me"!
William Penn once wrote that there are two things that can't be retracted: a spent arrow and the spoken word. I said some things that I now regret, at a minimum I didn't say them to the right audience, and I brought an air of negativity into a very positive situation - for that I am sorry.
As a hunter I believe that I have a certain code to follow, a level of behavior if you will, I crossed that line this year and I'm not happy about it. As we all do at times - I wish I could do it all over again. The overall result would have been the same but the damage could have been lessened.
My last night in camp I was sitting in the dining room with a couple of guys that I seemed to have attached to, in our conversation I apologized for any negativity that I brought and said that I really shouldn't have shared my thoughts with them, they quickly replied that they see the same things and I somehow felt justified - I know better than that! - That doesn't make it right for me to act that way.
As we began to break up I said that my only hope is that I was a much more positive force in camp than I was a negative one - it's now evident that my actions must have been bothering me already.
Life's lessons come hard and they come fast, even to an old man like me. This is a lesson that I won't soon forget.
Getting back to my young friend, I hope to be like him when I'm his age, always optimistic and takes life as it comes - I was blessed to have met and spent time with him and others. I still get excited when I see the above picture, what a guy!
I'll eat my humble pie, I deserve it! I'll try to take this lesson in humility and carry it forward, that's the best I can do at this point. Even at my age I can learn a lesson or two - The minute I think that I'm bigger than something, I need to get myself smaller real quick!
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